DeViL's SouL

which better?living as the life one or the dead one?

2011-07-26T23:33:00.001-07:00

Sometimes in life there are many challenges to face...whether u like it or not...Some can bring many benefit , knowledge and good memory but some is seriously hurtful..it depend to the person how to view it...either he/she view it as an opportunities to change and learn something new or some people who cannot with stand this situation, take it as a simple minded person.
Some tend 2 choose the most convenient way to solve the problem..tat is S.U.I.C.I.D.E.. I had 2 admit it, that is the most convenient, inexpensive way...Almost 70% of peoples think of suicide this day.. it can happen in a blink of eyes..The reason can be as simple as break up with the BF or the GF..(such a cheap way 2 take one life..x worthed) and some can be as complex as family matter or work related such as the case of (well,..the one..hhmmm...think sndri k)
Me myself also not excluded in attempt of suicide...coz i also an ordinary human being..and sometime when i not in the sane state of mind i tend to think negetively...but in the end, i snap up and say "it is worthed?"
As i mention, which is much better?living as the life one or the lifeless one? Its up 2 u 2 choose. Yes, living as the life one has a lot of responsibility, stress from work, family, relation and all, and worry about money, bills and tons of stuffs..that is y sometime people who cannot handle it all take their lives away. ..cause the level of stress they carrying on their shoulder...
while living as the dead,,,hhmmm...all the worries sure is vanish already....but, are we really sure??? As we all know. every human beings that alive will face death, and every people who face death sure will head straight to H.E.L.L....betul..x tipu...our 1st stop will be hell...in there will be judge and all the thing that we do, did, all...thing that we did when we stay in the form of human and stay in H.U.M.A.N W.O.R.L.D will be judge here (after life)...
Well, its up 2 is to think and how 2 coordinate our life...for better or for the worst.. Think that either your action is worthed or not...what will you loss and what will you gain in life...If u cut short you life (not as planned by ALLAH) that as ALLAH had set a better plan for u...juz because some obsticle that DIA bagi, a small challenge to test either u worth it or not....but u cannot withstand it..and that the end of u...
Same as the story of a frog who look 4 a well in a dry day...the frog had dig far far far into the earth, but at the end, when the frog hit a rock, it stop diggimg and give up..whereby, if the frog dig away the rock, it can find fresh water under the stone~

Treasure,cherrish, Pampared and b greatful

2011-05-11T01:24:00.000-07:00

5th March a date that is meaningful for me...that day me n all my PD classmate, we went to Rumah Anak Yatim Tambunan. the place there is totally different..there i cannot feel the feeling of warmest of a family. The place is so cool... the kids is neglected. We can see that, when we arrive the kids are happy... some of the kids hunger for attention and feel attach with us.. There's 1 of this lil boy..he from pre-school,. for a pre-school kid, he look very small and fragile..The name is Hafiz..He tag along with me..wherever i go, he follow...somehow it make me so sad with the picture.

The most shocking moment is when we having our lunch. One of the kid from my group doesnt have her plate..end up, she told us she skip lunch..juz 4 that simple reason...the next sesssion 2 eat is in the everning...for crying out loud, hw can a child survived that??? sometimes i really cant understand it but if that the way the ophanage teach the kids to be indepedent and dicipline...im speechless..

Other than that, we always prefer the secret recipies or any fancy cakes right??? the kids there, when they saw all the cakes the foods they go crazy...some even grab the cake handful..with all the cream..They grab the food like it will gone..juz like they in a war~~pity nie see how different the kids there and the kids in the urban city..

The smile and the sincere from the bottom of the heart say "thank U" really take us off guard... the kids really appreciate what we bring and give them..

At the end we all go back 2 with joy and happiniess by knowing that we bring joy and hope 2 some elses heart... they touched our heart and so do we~

Change for the good or for the worst~

2011-05-11T01:22:00.000-07:00

We know how people change right....as time pass by, we all grow up and have our own life and we tend to change in matter to fit in the society and fit in the work environment...but the transformation either for the good or for the worst...depends.. but what make a changes worst is how u change and U 4get about ure fends.
This happen rcently, as recent as yesterday..Yeah have 2 admit he have the potential 2 fly high but he doesnt have to skills to land beautifully...he possibly will crash during his landing...This is the type of person who change for the worst..he not only forget about his fends from the university...Friend that spend more then 3 year together...be there 4 his for the worst time and no forgetting during his hangover..well..make it more piss is he x even graduate and yet he diss off his fend who did not bring any benefit 2 him???? Is this what we say transformation and changes....if that the case, in matter to fit in his high classs society, this type of fend is x worthed..this is the type that when he wated ure help he will beg u but when he/she get what they after..they will kick u off juz like rubbish... D.A.*.M U... trust me, 1 day when u hit bottom rock, the person that will stand by u is us, the true fend..x the plastic vase fends~

Why???y must U come back???

2011-01-21T08:02:00.000-08:00

It been 3 month i din c ure face and hear ure voice..and but yet today u come out of the blue just beause of the sight of my car..Y??? Y must u do tat??? Im in process 4getting u...getting u out of my mind n my heart..and yet... there u are, U with ure smile that i love the most n ure tender genture...GoD!!!!!!!!

Why is that everytime i about to forget about u and there u are..coming back in my life???? u say u x feeling 4 me...but y u treat me like im special in ure heart??? If u dont love me why u will blush with my sweet words??? so obvious that even ure ears will turn red... Y must u jealous when the man ask me out 4 a movie...Y???? U know how much i love u, n u know how much im tolarate 2 u...u ask me 2 give u time..i willing 2...that because i doesnt want 2 lock u up like a beautiful and talented phoenix in a golden cage..u mean to be free..meant to fly high..that because me myself alsso doesnt think of commitement yet...i do wanna get married and have my own family but just not now...

I want u 2 fly high...spread ure wings and fly~~~go do things that you wanna do..achieve thing that you dream of...go...but just 1 thing that i ask..just remeber that back in the origin point there will be me..i will be waiting for you...my love for u will never died and the fire of love will keep on burning..that is how deeply in love i am to u...just remeber come back 2 me my LuV~~

Obsession?? Old LoVe never die??

2011-01-17T06:44:00.001-08:00

Do u felt that its hard to forget a L.O.V.E?? No matter it was 1st love or puppy love or any kind of love...for me yes..its not like 1st,coz i havent have 1st love yet...ehehhe...its more like..for me, it more and kinda like crush...oneside love ( cinta tepuk sebelah tangan)..it more like admire type...well...u can ask any male n female who are in raging hormon, young blood teenage, who never had crush/admire..if he or she say no, thats totally impossible..*he/she might heve bad memories with admiring and love* *giggling*

In my case...this just to share and so so...

Well,i know him since~~~3 yrs ago if i x not mistaken...he well..for me his like a star.. one tiny tinny winny star....b4 his a huge star..he just an ordinary man that people will not bother to lay an eye to..seriously...x joke..but after that, he fell in love with a high maintenance girl..so, he groom himself up, clean cut, designer cloth, parfume, facial n all the thing to do in matter to attract the girl attention...but....(T_T) me who stand near to him...he never every notice my exist there...but still im there for him..i supported him...i play cool when im with him...sound stupid n hillarious right...U must be asking "why could there be someone in the world that will do that although she knew her love will not be notice and appreciate by the man..."

Hhhmmm...well...thats how stupid am i...if you ask if i ever regrat that i fall in love with him..i will say not...up until today i still love him very dearly...although i hold 2 my own ego..saying that i will not love him anymore but every1 that know me knew that im lying and it was impossible for me to do so...although u hold me in your arms...i felt the touch and but yet..there's barrier..... A barrier that i put up myself..the barrier that killing me....it just like the barrier that i put up in matter to defense myself from u is winggling trembeling because of ure tender touch..I can go insane but still i keep and make myself in a sane condition..that because rationally i know u n me is impossible...not in a trillion light year..never...

Right now the scar are still deep but still its healing..although sometime it hurt and the scar is spliting up but eventually as time pass i think i will slowly forget you...i will learn to let you go...although it hurt but thats parts of growing up...bitter, sweet in life...

Now???? how am i doing?? Im hanging there...time 2 time i still met him but im holding it up...Wish me more luck in my love!!!! CuPiD~~cupid come 2 me..hehehehhe

OMG!!!

2011-01-10T07:11:00.000-08:00

OMG!!! i so mad with myself...Y cant i wipe u off my mind juz like i wipe a dirt off my hand??? Y im so attach 2 u..i wanna b thru with u...i doesnt want 2 be related to u...i kept think Y im so loyal 2 y..y cant i shake u off...i ought that i will never fall for u..i got x idea..Y?? Hah~~Such a torn in my heart~~~

Shhittt!!!MAn!!!

2010-08-07T22:47:00.000-07:00

Did u girls ever saw a man shout at their pregnant wife??in the PubliC!!
Well Damm..i do..i was like shock..the reason he was mad coz the wife walk slow n she drop a thing...Then the husband go bazaar..he say "apa ba ko nie??!!! Jln dah la lmbt...kaC jth brg lagi.." i was like..if possible i would walk there n give the husband a punch n a slap...How dare him 2 say that 2 her wife..

For god sake..MAN!!! The women is carrying ure god damm baby...cant u juz tolerate a bit???
Ok fine..ppl will say,,blame it on who??of course it will say the WOMEN..Coz 2 dumb and get knock up by the man..but hye..think again u pxx Head!!!!The babies is URES!!!
Wat the use u marry her n bring her 2 ure world but this 1 tiny simple thing u cant do it for her...Why is that???Its coz ure ego are damm high as the sky or u 2 cocky n shame 2 bring ure pregnant wife out!!!! DOnt forget man..women in the ovulation cycle n pregnant is in their most beautiful stage..U miss it u might get the 2nd chance,,,the 3rd chance but how long u can freeze the tyme during those cycle??? It will never last forever..

Man appreciate women coz they r the most weakest thing that our creator had created..althgt they can be cold as ice,warm n hot as the fire, tough like a steel but hye,,they still a women inside out..they still need a shoulder to lean on, a hand 2 hold on and hug 2 ease the pain n sorrowness...

fix this...

2010-07-16T09:08:00.000-07:00

How can this can be fix when u cannot appreciate me??

HELP...can u see it??

2010-07-16T08:57:00.000-07:00

HeLp me~~
Can any1 hear me??
Can any1 c im hurt??
Y my tears can stop falling??
Wat the reason??
Who can tell me??
Worst of all,I cut myself..
That the only way it calm me down..
Least that I can do..do to make me stop crying 4 a while and endure the pain…

Y am I cryin’?
I got x idea why..
It is because of he??
Bcoz the stress and pressure in the studies??
The feeling in me is killing me..
The pain in my head wont go away…

I hurt myself once…
Then, I did it again…
Badge on my arm although it cover the scar but it can hide the sadness in my heart..
Y its I act like this..y?
It is simply coz like the pleasure of blood and pain??
Im not sure~~
Even me myself don’t know wat 2 say..

It BreAkS My Fragile HeaRT~~

2010-07-12T04:28:00.000-07:00

It breaks my fragile heart every time i saw u.,every time i saw ure pic my heart full with hatred...what had happen 2 me?? when is the seeds of "hate" towards u planted deep in the lonely heart of mine? Its no that....im...why...even me myself cant explain why i behave such a way...

Am i eager for ure attention?No, fact i even avoiding u..im i falling for u??I ask my heart but theres no answer for it..even my heart cant tell me..if im falling for u?

1 thing for sure is that i dont want 2 break my heart by u again..its x worthed..u had never appreciate me b4..y must i be like this??i suppose 2 follow my heart but now,its all mess up..Its not that i will stop loving you but~~~

HyE SiSTeRS!!!!!

2010-07-09T02:44:00.000-07:00

Y break ure heart???
why make ure world circle around the universe that u create ure self???
Wake Up sisters!!!! waKe Up!!
U dont have 2 circle ure world in his world??Ure air,ure sun,ure energy wasnt from them!!They are not the source,ok!!so wat??if every1,i mean every single persons can accept u 4 who u r,y cant him??!! Y he hurt u so badly whereby he is the one that claim love u the most?? The story had told long long long time ago,y cant u juz drop it!!y r u kept sprinkle salt n vinegar on my broken wound? Cant u C how badly hurt am i??Y cant u try 2 fit in my shoes?? Feel what i felt?? The words that u say,the look that u gave me, the so call "future" shatter me in thousand shread...why????Why cant u see it how hurt am i right now??? Im like frozen in a time jar where i try 2 wake up from this so call future~~Future that created by u,future that i used 2 see as a happy loving caring understanding secure future,but instead of that,it all turn dimmed~~Y walk in a dark n unsure future were by we cant even look at what are in front of u??Y cant u see me standing here,the 1 that wanna spend my whole life with u??Y must u look so far away,where as we can cherish every single sec we spend with each other?

Once the word "us" always, always lingers in our sweet talks but now it had changed..instead of us u use the word "you" and "me"..YOU n ME???Now it juz you! You! YOu! or juz Me! Me! ME! u claim i used the word "me..me...me", but for god sake,crying out loud,i nvr do that..i hold on 2 the memory n promises that u say, u say u will love me forever,no matter wat the consequences and wat hppn..u will still love me, satnd by me and appreciate me 4 who am i....

I shed in tears n sometimes i even trembling every time u pick on the healing heart. Every time we speaks my heart will miss a beat because i cant help it by thinking that when will u pick on the same old topic again.It hurts..it really do....

Others might and can judge me but x in a million years,it was u who did that 2 me..u are the LAST person that came on my mind..U r the 1 who suppose 2 hold my hand and walk this path 2gether..i see u as my friend,as my anchor, as "my rock", and most of all "my soulmate"...but instead u gave a feeling that its like im walking it all alone in this road with u..although u where there but then the hand that i cling on 2,is never near by..i try and try and try hard,try very hard to please u,but y cant u juz this once try 2 understand me? Juz this once. ..it is a hard request from me??

I know i cant do that....

2010-01-26T02:46:00.000-08:00

People always say that u meet a person is by faith and 4ever it will change ure faith...
im x sure is that a joke or real...
Until now,i think i cannot agree more...
I meet him at OT...His a fend of my fend...
At 1st it was nothing,,1st thing come in2 my mind is "ooowwhhhh..."Than as time pass we talk,drink,talk and carry on...Then my GF suggest y dnt we grab some drink that nite....
And owh ya..co-incident,it was my 22nd bday..so we pun p la...That night,i dreamed about him...My God!!!!i met him twice a day,thats all..y can i dream about him...it cant be...i dont really believe in love in 1st sight..but y i dream about him..n yeah..i calm myself up...NNnnaaaa~its nothing 2...but as time pass i start 2 have feeling 4 him..god y can i fall so easily2 him????I kept ask the Q over and over again...and yet i cant find the answer...
I hate mysekf so much that y can i fall 4 him..its x that he x god looking ka..no,that not e prob,he's a wonderful man,great man,although he not good looking as the stars but when i with him, i felt like theres no problem as all...i know my flaw can be seen but he make me comfortable with myself without remind me with my "kecacatan"..
Once he said sumthing that make me cry but what he say is truth...that time i was depress and really down,then i told him..i say im a failure and the biggest crime is i let my parents down..in such berdosa punya child...then he reply me that it wasnt my fault,,,bknnya saya minta kn,...yeah,,,u might think like wat,2 pun u nk cry???but try 2 b in my shoes,i never done anything right b4 in my life, never have any special guy b4,never have a real teenager love and fun...when he say sumthing like that..Puff..Hhhaaa~u get it...
I Really hope something can happen btwn he n me..I really hope he b my 1st and my last but i knew it was sumthing that is impossible..juz like i ask a moon or e sun 2 be my present..that insane...same situation now,its x way bcoz he is a pure RC man that can never abandon his reg...im x that selfish..so i choose 2 keep it silents and will never tell him bout this..bttr u juz be fend...i think that the bestest solution i can think off so that i wont be hurt...Call me stupid but wat can i do..

Worst day ever...

2009-02-14T21:14:00.000-08:00

2 day i thought i will be a shine day but end up i receive a words news fron shana..
I thought she play a joke on me...
So i asked her itz true??
Yes indeed...Our friend Abjun had past away this morning...
Hit and run by a drunk chinese guy at lintas traffic lite...
I receive the news around 9.25am and start there my tears cant stop falling down my cheek...
How can that be.
Abjun,the sweet and charming guy has pass away???
His condition is serious...
Head trauma...
He 2 young..
That is the 1st thing came into my mind...
They all arrive that the hospital..i didnt came coz i fear of hospital...
Shana saw him in the mortuatry room on the sreel bed...
JHow cant it break my heart juz by hearing that....
In my heart i felt sucks...
I lost a friend...
A wonderful friend that always make one laugh no matter what...
His tge epal of our heart...
One that will always be remember 4 his emo style...Vok dressing...His joke...his words..
And one that nvr left his pray..
May his soul is bless by Allah SWT...
Al-Fatihah 4 our dearest Abjun..

Like him but....

2009-02-09T22:58:00.000-08:00

Well i knew him quite a long time but ya i admit 4 the 1st time i felt nothing 2 a hansom gorgeous man....
The weird thing is i asked for his name quite a no of time and i doesnt seem 2 remember it...Sign..(~_~)..
I felt nothing....not nerveous,x sweating..nothing...i just felt that this guy is sweet and treat me nice...So nice...But ya i know who is he...No way a guy like him will fall 4 a chubby fat girl like me...Way no...Guy like him sure will look 4 one that is beautiful and matching 2 him not like me one that is fat..hhmmm....
Well...bttr make a line 1st so that i wont fall 4 him so deeply...Eventhough i hope so but i know not in a trillion years...

The bigger surprise that I got…..

2009-02-09T22:15:00.000-08:00

Today is the worst day ever that I had…
Shit…2day at my Taxation class I received a bad news from my brother. I didn’t think of it but I got the feeling already…Rupanya the news is my Aunt pass away…
And then few minute later, my sis call n she told me that the doctor in the hospital make a mistake…he made a mistake in the data...
Thanks God that is a faults alarm it not it will be a miserable day 4 my dad…Bcoz 2day at the same time is his bday…All everything so damn messy…
Sign……(~_~)

Throw down from Heaven to Hell...

2009-01-18T19:31:00.000-08:00

Im breaking down…Im melting down…
I cant bear it anymore…
I suffering within…
I cant hand the pressure anymore…
I cried and the tears doesn’t seem to stop…
My heart are aching..
Within me its killing me…
Y cant I be success like other??
I cant I grad on time??
Y im so damn dumb..
Learn it but cant pass in the final,
I already try so hard but still can pass…
So hard…so hard…
Im so tired already…
Im giving up…
Time for me to admit that im stupid…
I forced myself even harder but still I cant…
Study day n nite till I sick,its ok…
I can handle it 4 the sake of my parent,
I work myself out but in the end I fall even harder…
I fall apart…
Its x that I don’t give the best but…..
My headache is killing me….
Im falling apart…save me…
Crumble down…into thousand piece of tiny sand….
I…..
SOS…someone help me!!!
Help me!!!
Save me…
Save my soul…

Bitter and sourness

2009-01-04T18:38:00.000-08:00

Some think that is ok 2 repeat and have a failure in life...
But x me,i already damm tired ooo...
I really want to run away from it..
No like run away from the problem it juz,take a breath..
Deep2 breath...
I didnt blame anyone 4 this.
One that i blame is myself...
Myself for being stupid...
Last time when i knew about my result i think of lock up myself..
Be a quitter..
But i cant...
I knew i cant do that 4 the sake of my parent...
So 1 thing that i can do is keep on moving..
Move forward...
Dont look back...
What is past left it behind...
Dont turn around and look but juz think that as a lesson in life...
Failure that had been done to make me stronger and move forward...
Coz there nothing can be done eventhough i regret...

I hate..

2008-11-10T08:17:00.000-08:00

I hate the way he smile..
I hate the way he talk..
I hate the most is i love him..
I fall 4 him but 4 sure there wont be and ending 4 me...
He x meant to be mine...
He once fall in love with a perfect girl but end up broke up with her...
X sure y..

X 1 knew that he caught my heart the 1st time i saw him..
The 1st day he in the class..
He x perfect nor good looking but still i falled 4 him..
It very obvious that he been mean toward me..
Compare to other he treat them gently and polite..
But when with me,harsh but x that harsh just his tones are much higher...
I do appreciate that he make me his friend and i ask nothing more than that...
He way too perfect to be mine and i don't think i was 4 him...
Lately i dream a lot about him but all the dream without ending...
I try so hard to forget my feeling to him,but day by day pass way,end up the feeling grew stronger and stronger each day....
I try to seek help and solution...
The solution that i found is self hyp myself and the other one is med...
I just wish the feeling wont and dont fade away coz i deeply in love with him...but at the same i...i....i...
I just wish i never knew you...If only.....

Spread my wings and fly...

2008-11-10T08:15:00.000-08:00

Some might think that I was insane coz I wanted to try something difference in other people country...I don’t think that is a mistake…I wanted to go to Europe or Australia or even the State…Go there, earn more money and learn something new…Spread my wings and fly…Fly far and higher…High till there is no more space to fly…
Some think that it will be hard and difficult...My god, difficult of course but still can survive…
I can work as house keeper or a waiter in matter to generate my income… Difficulty course but because of the difficulty and failure make me grow up. Learn and be even stronger…The world out there is tough…Toughest then you think…X like playing Barbie dolls …easy…

But still I stuck here…Part 7…After part 7 I wish to go there but I cant…My wings are not strong enough to spread and fly…

Y????

2008-10-22T02:14:00.000-07:00

Y does it seem that i been hate by everyone??
The way they look at me seem like,i dont know...They juz look throught me...
HAhahhaha...well that i learn from u all...
I look through u....
It seem that u x exist 2 me...
I know u tink like that oso..
Fine with me....
But....
I dont think that be the issue here but they just make the issue even worst...
Its x like i talk about them or what...
They juz cant let me go...
Blh2 they accuse me and blame me for the CD tat they cant install....
It wasnt my fault that the CD can not be install in their laptop..
MIne fine...
I cant help them...
Well juz like what they say "In the cruel world, if x u dead because of disease other will stab"...
Well that is how cruel the world is...
Thats the way how i being brought up...
Thing that u 1 u must fight 4 it...it wont easily fall down from the sky...
I juz had with them...
Mn2 kamu ja la...

Shit!!! FUck OFF Bitch!!!

2008-10-19T19:26:00.000-07:00

God sometimes i cant understand some "girl"..
Even though their body already big or huge but still thereS the childishness and annoyed attitude...
FUCK OFF WITH YOUR ATTITUDE!!!!
They think they are the most beautiful people in the whole wide campus??
Owh please,one is damn annoy with her fucking plastic voice and one just like cow being piece on her nose...just following around everywhere...
4 me i think they got x brain at all....
Well they from the lower class,its ordinary for them....
What piss me off is,last class i got a CD from my lec by using my lec name..if u know from the lab to the staff it will be confidential but still this fucking brainless ass hole shout in her "beautiful" plastic voice..
Conversation:
Bitch:"Hye is that the F software?"
Me: "Yes indeed but ssshhhh,if the lab person found out sir will be in big trouble..later i burn and pas 2 u..."
The fucking bitch grow in storm;
Bitch:"If u dont want to borrow dont take it out!!!dont show off!!!"

FUCK BITCH!!!DOESNT SHE HERE WHAT I SAY??I'LL BURN N PASS IT...
Huh well,low class and lot of wax in the ears...

If i was mean like i use to back then,other then kicking her ass i will say;
FUCK OFF BITCH...CANT U HEAR WHAT I JUST SAY EARLIER??I'LL COPY IT AND PASS LATER!!! IF COMPARE U AND ME,U IS THE ONE THAT MEAN TO OTHER!!!IF U HAVE NOTES U NEVER SHARE WITH FRIEND,WHAT MAKE IT WORST,IF U GOT GOOD STUFF THAT WILL HELP OTHER U WILL JUST GAVE IT 2 THE GUYS 1ST AND THE GIRLS, HMMM LET ME THINK....NEVER!!!!...IT'S MAKE ME WONDER,ARE YOU A SLUT OR WHAT????ONE THAT HUNGER 4 A GUY..HAHAHAHAAH....SO I THINK IT WILL BE FAIR AND NO PROBLEM IF I DO SO...BESIDE THAT,THE CD IS MY OWN EFFORT,I ASK AND ASK AND ASK FROM SIR,NOW WHEN I GOT IT,U JUST WANT TO SNATCH IT AWAY FROM ME??? GOD U SUCH A BITCH..I HATE U...I KNOW IT ALL ALONG THAT U BEEN NICE 2 ME COZ THERE OPPORTUNITY AND ADVANTAGES THAT U C IN ME...

Even though theres different btwn u and me but i damn sure that i far bttr then u...
At least i dont use a plastic voice to flirt with guy....
Im so sure 200% im good...
Even though other not close 2 me but i treat them equal and care 4 them..
Like my class slogan is "Sharing is Caring" but 4 her "keep it myself is better"..

Let me go...or give me a chance..

2008-10-08T06:22:00.000-07:00

Y??Y is everybody keeps on telling me 2 look 4 a partner or “boyfriend”. Can’t they just leave me alone??
Am I do really need a man in my life right now? Is that obvious? I don’t think so…I don’t think that I need one right now right here… Yes Most of the time I do talk n ad envy they that had bf but when I come back n think bout it, I really don’t sure. I DON’T KNOW… I really do…
I wish for one but god I don’t know n x sure… I totally lost…I can’t be just the girl in the Celcom ad, do i?? Its just make me desperate for a love… Like the ad “Sir, will u marry me??”
Ahh…so lame…No way…I don’t think so…But frankly speaking, recently I think i attracted to his one guy…I in the same class of him..Or pendek kata most of my class is with him…I cant even look at him straight into his eyes…When I do so, I remember my dream. I dreamed about him last Saturday… God that dream is wonderful but at the same time is killing me…How can I face him in class. Even today in Tax class my heart is pumping fast, n later in my friend’s stall he was there too…He made my heart pump fast n slow at the same time…I can go insane if this stuff keep on…ehuhhh…. I looks like I’m desperate 4 love n my answer is “yes” n “no” at the same time…Ahhhh….help me….SOS…SOS…

Friendship that never end...I love u all....

2008-09-18T21:04:00.001-07:00

Sign.....

2008-09-18T21:04:00.000-07:00

Y that is hard to let one self out 2 love other without condition?
Wish 2 be loved n wish to love always hard to find their way together.
It seem that always happen 2 me...I started 2 give up hope...
Pity me...
Bu still i still hold on that one say my white knight will show up...
More or less like in the fairy tale story and we live happily ever after...
Hopefully....

why??

2008-09-04T20:30:00.000-07:00

Truth and Lies

Love and Hate

Trust and Betray

Why does this two always come together?

Cant there be the one and only….

Like cant there only a love? Or Trust in a relationship?

I wish it can but cant...
There is a guy that I care and dear the most and at the same time he is also the one that hurt and kills me the most….

I love him and he is the love of my life…

But sad and pity he doesn’t know how I felt 4 him...

Every day I thing about him…

He ain’t care and don’t even look at me…

Frankly speaking it does hurts…

I wish he knew but….

Then I think that times had come and I think of letting him go…

Out from my heart…

Im tired of searching the right one…

One of the heavens made just for me… For every human being in the earth…

I still remember a wisdom advice that I received from my friend recently (RJA), she told me that “even though the taste of searching and waiting is bitter but still if you found the one but it he the one?? You cant be sure…beside that, the story is it you keep on chasing for him and end up he doesn’t appreciate and cherish you. You just have to wait and wait for the right one to show up, and one that will surely reply your love sincerely and without condition.”

But it is really???

Hard 2 think and even harder to believe….

And this time I will try 2 believe and try 2 wait instead go and look for him, the right.

A Litter About Me

2008-08-26T19:23:00.000-07:00

1) How many siblings?
5

2) What do u loves the most in the world?
1st of course family
2nd Money
3rd All my bestest fend in matrices no with 2005397 and 2005716 and every1 that know me and I know u…

3) talk about love, do u believe in love at 1st sight?
For 20 years, I never believe that 1st love do exist in this world. In the future im x sure..(^_*)

4) Who hurt me the most reasonly?
Daniel Victor (Hate U, liar)

5) Thing that make me happy reasonly?
My relationship with one friend that one I care is getting on track… (Zie)

6) What did I regret the most?
Hmmm..Im x sure bout that..

7) If got chance to go back in time what will i change??
I’ll change nothing from the past…( Hhehehe)

8) What did I hope in my life?
I hope both my parent always healthy and happy always,
World peace,
All people in the world live hormonally…
And mayB find 1 guy that will love and care 4 me till the day I died..(Wink ^_*)

9) What type of guy that is my taste?
Hhmmm…im x sure…Maybe he must at least have 5 C, educated, taller or same height as I am, no an alcoholic and gamble guy, most important love me and I will love him twice as much as he love me…(^_*)

CONFESSION OF A BROKEN HEART

2008-07-28T20:10:00.000-07:00

You are the one that take my breath away 2 year ago,

Your smile is a killer smile,

The sweetest smile that I had ever seen,

Your attitude is far beyond other guys,

Your gentle words stung me by my heart,

But still your not mine,

Both our world are far too different,

U cant neglect urs n I cant abandon mine.

Both of us are too ego…

But far deep in my heart there you’ll always be…

No matter how I change or where I go u will always be in my heart….

Even thought u n I far apart but my heart will always have ur image in it…

I care and love for you…

Please....

2008-07-28T19:55:00.000-07:00

I can’t find a reason to let go,

I can’t find a reason to hang on,

What when wrong can be ok,

If only u came back 2 me.

Sometimes I wake up crying at night,

Sometimes I scream out your name,

What right she had to take your heart away,

When for so long u were mine?

Please tell me she not real,

Please tell me that u coming home tonight,

Back into my arms,

Please coz im falling apart.

Please take the tears away,

Brings back the happiness in me,

Back to when u n I both were deeply in love,

Ease away the wound in my heart.

Yuen Fen (Destiny)

2008-07-28T19:37:00.000-07:00

Well I kinda like the word Yuen Fen coz this stuff is weird...N I do agree that blood is thicker than water…no matter how the sibling’s fight they will still end up be together. But hye it was different when couples fights…That will be days 2 settle but siblings no…Only few minute or even second to cool down the temper…Im sure that most of u doesn’t know how hard a yuen fen can be right?? Well I readed in the ancient mythology books and face and hand reading books and it said “One can only be father and son after 7 life cycle and fulfill all their promises from life before”, “a siblings can only be together again after 8 cycle of life, “husband and wife can only be together again if only they are distant 2 be together and few can only met after 7 cycle of life:.

Even when I had a fight with my sibling it only last few minute and then I will be ok…. Same 2 my best gurl fend, when she had a fight with her sis…what make it even worst, she pull off a hand full of her sis hair…god...after rebonding lg 2…hahha...yah they fought but still they love each other and there no one can change their for each other…Same with my siblings…now that all of us are far apart we still argue on handphone via sms and even call juz to hear her voice…ya sumtimes I can be annoy but trust me…it heal the lost in my heart…( Right SAA5418..hahahha…)

Even siblings, parent are far apart but the relationship will always be there...u cant c it , u can touch it but it is there…There right inside u’re heart…Love them b4 it gone..gone forever and unplaceable…

Does true love really exist?

2008-07-20T20:21:00.000-07:00

The term of true love or love one really exist in this world? Our very own world? Is the love of Romeo and Juliet really does exist? It is true that one can give up their own life for the other??

For me it’s all just rubbish...No one will give up their life for other. Trust me… If there a battle the 1^st thing that comes in mind is save your own life…no time of saving other or sacrifices yourself. All that can only happen in a movie…

Vows of “till death do us a part”…can it still be trust in this modern society?? Some said yes and some no…me myself...NO…till debt do us a part yes but no till death do us a part…Most marriage couple surely will argue about the bill and all the debts…and then, when no more solutions, here comes the word if nightmare “divorce”…Some think that divorce is the last choice that they can think of but who will hurt the most? The wife? The husband? Nope not either of them but one that stuck in the middle (the child)…Once that made out from and with the seeds of happiness… They suffer the most…the suffer separation, argument, fights, and rights…. And because of all that some face break down and some choose to run away and the worst suicide…

Its make me wonder how can you stop loving each other?? How can the love fade away?? It is because you bored of each other or leak of trust?? Any tinny winy thing can be the reason of separation of once known as the happiest couple…

Think bout it before step into the ails… It’s no easy to raise a family…

Fragile Life

2008-07-20T20:20:00.000-07:00

Does u think our life is very fragile and priceless?

At this minute we were talking and laughing and the next puff...DEAD...

Trust me it does...

Few weeks ago me and my younger sister was talking and laughing about our past time and my older sis’s ex bf...

Then my elder sis argues and asks my younger sis where his bf...

In a sad tone she told us that her bf had past away...

I thought she was laying but that’s the truth...

He died in a car crash...Day b4 my sis end her national service at sansui...

What make it much sadder is the guy always calls my sis and he made my sis happy. She treated my sis like a Queen. His own queen in his hand built palace. He pampered her so much.. Then without no reason he ask a break from my sis. The lame reason that he give is, so that the both of them got more time study and focus in education. Until today, I still do not believe he can let my sis go….

And ya, my instinct was right. One of his best friend called my sis using her ex hp no, he told my sis that the guy (her bf), until his last breath he still thinking bout my sis….He knew he was dying. He suffer from Hepatitis C. Finally everything is clear…He knew he is dying and think of how to minimize the sadness in my sis heart….Until the end of his life he still think of her… Weird?? But trust me… He think of her went he stuck in the crash…Very nice boy but destiny in the hand of our Creator…No one can change it and no one will be spear from it...

Same think happen 2day (17.7.08), and again it make me sad and think why life is so fragile? I call him R…Last Saturday his give birth to a baby girl... A baby girl… thinks that finally him going to get after a long time waiting. But one occasion that all should be happy turn out sour, mood and be a blackest history to R and his wife. What went wrong??? Here’s what happen, the fault is blame to the hospital, they didn’t do their job…They take long time to deliver the baby… end up the baby suffocated in the mother womb… WHAT THE HOSPITAL DOES… HUH...EZ… ALL OF THAT THEY JUST WALK AWAY…LIKE NOTHING HAPPEN…THEY JUZ SAID SORRY FOR U’RE LOST!!!!

Ask y didn’t sue them?? I did ask R, he said 2 me “ if I do that, can I get my baby back?” For God sake, unless u’re heart made out from steel u will know how it feels... But ya, by doing that can their baby, precious litter angel be brought back back alive...Back to her parents arm?? NEVER AGAIN...NEVER...THAT IS THE ONE THING THAT CAN’T NEVER BE DONE…No matter how long u pray, cry till no more tear to shear or even you cried blood. One child that you love the most can’t never be back…never… how can a mother stand that… One that cares the most, love most can hand the sadness??

If you think it’s cruel but that the truth… It does happen around u every minute everyday… Love, precious, pampered the one you love while there’s still chance for you too do so... Don’t wait till the time they are gone…I’ll be like no matter how far u search, or you search till the end of the world and still, u won’t found it… You can never find it again... Grab it and hold it tight in your arm so that they won’t “disappear”.

IS RED FOR LOVE?

2008-07-20T20:18:00.000-07:00

Flower that bloom in summer day is as beautiful as the morning dew,

Ocean is calm as the ice,

Once promise to be with me eternality is a lie,

Turn out he is the one that hurt me the most.

Red is once the colour that I love the most,

It represents the forever love that I have,

Love that I wish and though will last eternal crumbled down,

Hope to be with you buried under the grave that you dag with your own hand.

Some said that love is full of sweetness,

Full of happiness and great memories,

But it is true?

You said that I’m the only one,

No one will replace me in your heart,

You make a promise that you will love me forever,

Promises that I think will be last forever.

But it seem I’m too naïve,

I’m naïve enough to believe in your beautiful lie,

My world fall apart when you stab me with your words,

Poison that you gave killed me instantly.

Red that once bloom in my heart because of love had fade away day by day,

Red is still in my heart but not because of love,

It was the color of blood,

Blood that bleeding within my heart.

My heart bleeds and cried,

But it’s ok,

I will stand up be strong and move on without you,

You will only be a good memories that once I had.

y simple life made difficult??

2008-07-14T19:12:00.000-07:00

Y ordinary simple life can be so diffucult to get though??
Can it be easy??
Busy with study,works n much more..
Fuh..
Stress..